Jeshua on the recovery roller coaster

Wow! It sure has been a rough few days. I (Melissa) am sorry for the lack of updates, but every time I thought about updating the blog I found myself crying. I find it very difficult to put into words the experiences of the last few days, they have been filled with pain for Jesh and I. Now, when Jesh is sleeping "naturally" and peacefully beside me, I am going to attempt to share with you what has been happening.

Saturday Night:

After Tyson left on Saturday, the nurses and Doctors continued to pump Jesh full of medications. There are three different medications being used to control his pain. The first is morphine, now only administered every four hours due to his lack of respiratory drive shortly after surgery. The second, good old Tylenol. And the third, Versed a sedative to keep Jesh calm. It is very difficult watching them give Jesh medication, I know it is for his benefit, but to watch him fall into a "groggy" state is eerie and something I can't fully come to grips with. Saturday night was filled with bouts of crying from Jesh as certain medications would wear off and he would come to. But sleep would come easy after each dose of meds.

Sunday:

Today the day nurse tried to back Jesh off some medication, trying to go longer between each dose. It wasn't very successful and Jesh payed the price of that decision. It is super easy to stay on top of pain, but when you fall behind and the pain is strong it is hard to get back on top. So, through the afternoon and evening they tried desperately to get back to a state of no pain. The night was extremely difficult for all as we tried to get him comfortable, it was a hard feat.

Monday:

Today a new nurse was on the case! He has been in pediatric care for over 20 years and has worked with post op babies for several of those years. He thought by this time of recovery Jesh should be up and in momma's arms and moving around. He also wanted to back of the meds after calculating that Jesh had received 17 doses of morphine so far. I lovingly held my baby boy for a few hours has he drifted in and out of sleep, showing little signs of pain. By late morning I noticed a change in Jeshua, a very hard change for me to see. He became totally listless, barely moving, crying, sucking or opening his eyes. When he did open his eyes there was no recognition in his gaze. The nurse was confident that Jesh was just sleeping as he came down from his medication high. He began to throw up and gag, coming out of his sleep with jolts and signs of pain. He never cried, and would fall instantly back to sleep. Even though the nurse was confident Jesh was fine and doing well, I knew he was not okay. I had seen this behavior before, the last time we were in the NICU. I felt that Jesh was in incredible pain and shutting down was his defense mechanism. No would listen to me, and I broke down. Early evening my parents came to visit, it was nice to cry on someone's shoulder. The nurse retold the events of the day to them and I could not help but weep. By 6:30pm I think the nurse was beginning to think that I had been right. He decided to give Jesh a half dose of morphine. Moments after he did, Jesh woke up. He opened his eyes and started moving again. He had been in pain all day and the dose of morphine was just enough to take the edge off. It was nice to see him like that. Also throughout the day Jesh was not urinating, despite being pumped full of IV fluids. They did a bladder scan and decided to put in a catheter. Instantly they pulled out 180 ml of fluids, within 20 minutes they relieved Jesh of 320 ml of urine. His poor body. An hour after inserting the Catheter, he started passing gas and stooling real stool in large amounts. YAY! The night was still filled with bouts of vomit and gaging but at least things on the other end were moving in hopes to alleviate the vomiting. He had another half dose of morphine around 4:30 am.

Tuesday:

Jesh WOKE up today. The nurses call it "turning the corner". A completely different little boy, MY little boy. He smiled for the first time and would follow me with his eyes. He began to suck his hands, then his pacifier, then a small amount of the bottle. He was moving around with no signs of pain, he was poopin' like a fool. He seemed content. After the doctor came to see Jesh, he allowed me to start nursing.

**After Starting this post Jesh has taken a little step back, the downside of this roller coaster. I will finish this post when I find a moment. Please keep Jesh in your prayers as he is struggling to recover.